Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
