Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
