I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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