Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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