Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
