Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
