North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
