I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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