You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
