he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize