I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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