I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
