I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
