I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
