dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
