Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
