ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
