I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
