i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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