I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
