First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
