do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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