I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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