So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
