he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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