hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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