For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
