This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
