i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
