so explain again why im purple
no
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
