just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We left the knife in your bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
