I look better un-naked...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize