why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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