dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
