Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
