garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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