Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
