like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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