Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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