Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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