you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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