Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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