My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
