i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
