Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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