that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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