He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh god it's open bar.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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