I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I smell stomach acid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
