Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
