I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
