i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
