shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
