My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
