So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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