Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize