Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
