I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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