Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
