But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
