I wannas sexs uuuuu
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
