So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
