drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
