my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
