It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
