what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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