Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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