I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
