every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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