she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Alive.
So much puke
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
