You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize