I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
