You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
