First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to stop coming to work sober
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
