jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
