Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
