Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
