I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
