Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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