ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
