you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
