He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
