The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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