ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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