I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
