After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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