Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
