I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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