I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
