I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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