is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
