I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize