when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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